do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sober January is a disaster.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
