Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
