Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
