Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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