Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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