Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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