I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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