A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
