Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
