Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
