I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
