I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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