Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
