Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
