so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
