he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
