So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
