I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
