I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
