He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
