Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
