So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
