Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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