She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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