Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
