Can i not drive my cunt home
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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