Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
