There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
