Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
