***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
