So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
