I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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