I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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