after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
