I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
