Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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