just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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