Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
