did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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