are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
