It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
