Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
