dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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