Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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