She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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