the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
