The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
only you would photoshop your dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
