There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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