oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
