Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
